“I and my husband are violent towards each other but we’re trying to get help” — Actress, Bode Alao

Sometime ago, actress Bose Omotoyossi announced that her 10-year-old marriage to footballer, Rasaq, had hit the rocks. She had written at the time that her husband often battered her and she wasn’t ready to endure the violence anymore. This was days after the couple celebrated their wedding anniversary.

However, in an exclusive chat with Sunday Scoop, Bose maintained that her marriage was intact. She said, “I want to take my family off social media because it is not helping me. My husband is not someone who addresses issues on the Internet; it seems like I’m the only one talking. It is true that we had issues. On that particular day, which was our 10th year wedding anniversary, we had a fight and he smashed my phone and I was very angry. It wasn’t even the fight we had that angered me; it was the fact that he destroyed my phone.”

“Because of that, I poured out my anger on my WhatsApp status, where he would see it as we do not follow each other on Instagram and other social media. After that incident, I went with my kids to a nearby hotel because I wanted him to feel the pain I felt. I didn’t want it to be public knowledge initially but a journalist on my contact list screen-grabbed my updates and posted them online. That type of news actually affects my husband’s career. To be honest with you, I and my husband are violent towards each other and we’re trying to get help. Whenever he hits me, I retaliate but everybody knows that he can beat me.”

“I had to contact Star Helpline, which is an international organisation, and we are undergoing therapy right now. This is actually our second week in therapy. Every marriage has issues but we often expect too much from our partners. There was a time my pastor even told me that I should put water in my mouth whenever I am angry but it didn’t work and I spat out the water when we were fighting.”

Explaining her reasons for staying in the marriage, she said, “I am not staying in a violent marriage because of my children; they were actually the reason I wanted to leave. However, one also has to consider the kids. The best I can do is to make sure that they’re in good psychological state. The performance of my kids in school actually dropped during that period. We actually went our separate ways for some time so that frayed nerves could be calmed. When we came back together, we were both sorry and are both looking for ways to coexist peacefully because of our children. All our offspring are girls and a lot of men don’t want to marry women from broken homes.”

On the lessons she has learnt from the episode, Omotoyossi said, “I have learnt to keep my personal life away from social media. Now, I am very quiet; even when my husband is upset, I keep calm. I thank God that there is peace in our marriage now and I pray there wouldn’t be any incidence of domestic violence again. When you beat a woman, she develops unbridled hatred for you. I believe a woman has the power to mould her husband into whatever shape she wants; anybody can change.”